hello all

why we eat so much salad around here...

2012-01-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

cut and wash all lettuce at the beginning of week/two weeks...
spin and dry, pack loosely into mason jars/vacuum jars,
and kick back.

so far, two weeks is our go to time on these jars.
and lettuce is nice and crisp, clean and dry
and ready to be whipped up into a yummy salad at a moment's notice.

now i just need to find some more jars
and make some room in my fridge for my other addiction -
spinach.

around here...

2012-01-30T21:14:00.000-08:00

i sewed another skirt,
wrote some pages,
watched my computer get a virus, start speaking chinese and die in front of me,
i sighed,
i took care of sick everyone,
tanked my calcium when i exercised too much,
went to meetings,
anna's 50th birthday party (you go, girl),
went to church,
cleaned and cleaned some more,
wrote some more pages,
planned our big ethiopian dinner,
went to fresno for teff flour and some zoo time with my niece,
headed home with the kidiots and realized there are no groceries,
made deviled eggs and banana muffins for dinner
and sent the kids to bed.
i sigh again.
but check out my skirt,
isn't she cute?
you like the crazy gold fabric?
the best stuff/stiffest fabric is on the discount heap.
made me happy.
night.

stuff i did yesterday when i should have been doing other stuff...

2012-01-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

charlie saw this skirt on my sewing board on pinterest...

so we whipped this baby up.
not particularly successful, the tutorial is horrible...
but charlie loves it enough that i'm going to play with it until i get it right.
we're going to go hunt down a very stiff, structured material first
(i don't like to commit to nice material until i've tested a pattern out)
so that the bow will have a bit more oomph.
though, look closely at the picture -
i think that little girl is holding up her bow for a reason.
sigh.

gramma messed around with it yesterday and a 3x kimono wrap
with a tie in the front looks amazing -
but charlie was having nothing to do with that -
so back to the drawing board...

i'm going to figure out this skirt if it's the last thing i do!

2012-01-23T22:37:00.000-08:00

umm,
anyone else figure out that picnik is being shut down by google (parent company) in april?
is anyone else as sad about it as i am?
and i was just telling my brother last night about how much i love the program -
and how i'm putting off photoshop because it covers my bases for now.
sigh.
stupid google.
now i'm going to finally have to buckle down and figure out photoshop.
double sigh.
i haven't worked with that program in years.
YEARS.
triple sigh.

okay, me and my old brain are headed off to a shower and bed.

we're back...

2012-01-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

papa ray's was a blast as always...

and the kids love all the classic 70's equipment...

also known as the "playground-o-death"...
i kid.
it scares me far less as the kids get a bit bigger.
but still, there are moments when they're hanging out over the air
after their feet have slipped and you just have to take a deep breath
and walk back inside.
cause so far, no one's been hurt.
and you have to work really hard as a parent to just let kids be kids.
it's tough stuff,
but you do it -
for their own good.

anyhoo, the weekend was a cousin filled romp
that took us all over the hillside at papa's house,
in and out of the house...
and all the way downtown for a screening of tin-tin...

and the next night we finally had our belated "christmas dinner" -
the brothers and sisters and families...
kathy and ben were amazing hosts and we enjoyed ourselves and the game thoroughly.
and kathy made an oatmeal cake that i'll have to post.
amazing.

okay, off to bed i'm going.
i hope your weekend was wonderful as well.

2012-01-19T23:52:00.001-08:00

2012-01-19T22:34:00.000-08:00

it's been a hard week.
but then, not really.
and nothing is currently out of control,
or beyond my capacity.
but for the moment -
it is all very difficult.
and it's almost too hard to try to put into words -
but i will try.

you see, there's all these balls being juggled about -
and yes, i'm using the proverbial balls...
and they all need to be up the air and stay up there
and yes, i am managing to keep them up...
because ball juggling is my profession,
my divine calling.
i am a woman, a mother, a wife, a friend -
therefore, i juggle.

but what i am juggling has suddenly taken on so much weight.
and all these things in my life,
they mean so much to me - all of them, every last single one -
and i can't put them down,
nor do i want to.

and the zen i normally can find when it all becomes a bit much -
well, it's been eluding me lately.
there is no deep breath to help, no inner ohm to exhale
no balance to be had.
and with every breath in, the tears sting my eyes.
and all day, today, every last minute of every last hour -
i fought to not cry
and spent a good deal of my time crying.
and i'm not a cryer.
but i am trying to learn to feel what i am feeling when i feel it.
and i felt like crying.
so, i did.

and here is why i think i am doing so.

i received an email requesting a whole new set of notarized papers for the adoption.
papers that have already been notarized in the past -
and the past before that.
similar but different.
the redundancy is staggering at times, no matter how necessary.
and it made me cry.
and i cried my way through the entire process.

mostly because we are so alone.
most do not realize we are adopting, many do and say nothing.
we have to seek out support.
we have to force this onto those around us...
and barely get a response from those we need the most support and help from.

and this triggers me again and tears sting my eyes.
this feels like cancer when people spoke for us, spoke to us, and yet -
when we were so alone in that process with little to no help for so long.
and the hurt is fresh all over again.
i realize i have not forgiven.

and i know we are responsible.
we hate to ask for help.
and we demand next to nothing from those around us.
but doesn't it seem natural to want to extend care and concern?
isn't there a balance of the universe that allows for us to be considered?

and beyond my aching arms, the child we wait for, the sibling that is already loved...
there is so much more to juggle.

my mother came for a visit.
she extended the invitation and i agreed to meet her on neutral ground.
and i held my boundaries and was kind.
which was more that i ever planned on giving her again,
since she has done none of the work to re-enter my life and never will.
but i did it for my children and to normalize and abnormal situation.
and i was mistaken.
she barely looked at them, barely registered.
because they don't belong to her, anymore than i do.
she doesn't have the capacity.
and yet, when she left she said,
"so, now when i call, you'll pick up the phone!"
it wasn't a question.
and with a sad smile and an exhale i told her no.
"i will contact you."
when i feel i should.
i have no feelings as of yet on the subject.

or maybe i do.
she returned home and reiterated her stance,
that if i'm not all the way in, she wants nothing to do with me.
you see, she doesn't want me in her life.
she doesn't want the accountability of my presence, the reminder.
but she also doesn't want what my absence represents to her, those around her.
it's an ever present reminder of the reality of this poor-sick-dead-and-dying-woman -
that maybe, just maybe -
another woman existed before the cancer and the pink lapel pins and the bald head.
that under it all,
the narcissistic sociopath still exists,
and her legacy that she has created cannot be erased with a few rounds of chemo and radiation.
cancer doesn't make you a hero.
drinking and smoking your way to sickness doesn't make you a courageous survivor,
anymore than dna and blood make you a mother.
and i expect nothing from her.
i feel for her plight.
but she is well cared for.
she is surrounded by those she invested in, can feel love for.
but my and mine, we are not hers.
i never was.
we will never be.
we are just a nagging reminder of who she really is beneath it all -
broken, sad. sick and dying and though apparently surrounded -
alone.

and i expect no apologies, no remorse.
for i quote,
"why should i apologize for things i didn't do?"
her story has always changed.
but it has never completely disappeared.
interesting, disturbing, angering.

and beyond this,
there is the weighty responsibility of educating my children.
of speaking to their curiosity.
recognizing their needs, how they learn, molding their individuality.
and of course,
the ever present and copious need to make art and scatter it around our home.

and writing, always the writing.
the companies, the work.
years and years of work culminating and increasing,
reaching a critical mass...
and in the midst of it all, a new project
private, oh so private.
it is all for myself at the moment.

you see, there are all these things, all these balls to juggle -
and they can't be put down and i don't want to -
but each comes with so much responsibility, so much promise.

the promise of our family grown, a child in our arms, a baby once more.
the promise of a sibling, a friend.
the promise of peace and resolution in the midst of the unresolvable,
of holding onto boundaries that should never have to be erected.
the promise of passion of learning, of new worlds to explore every day...
the promise of a calling fulfilled, a lifetime of work to be validated and to grow further.

and i have yet to speak of the responsibilities that we all must juggle,
the church and state stuff...the sense of community we must participate in -
the people we must care for, think of and support.
there are so many layers to all of our lives...
so many balls to keep up in the air.
so much promise to fulfill.

i hope we can all help eachother do it,
to ease eachother from the burden of the solitary fight.
and forgive me for the burdens i may have overlooked,
the same as i forgive those around me.

so ignore this,
and ignore my tired rantings at the end of a day that unlike so many others -
those days where i find exhilaration in the struggle of figuring it all out -
i was unable to muster my way back towards optimism and happiness.

i was sad.
that's all there was too it.
sad and tired and weary.

but now it's time for bed,
for tomorrow is coming and i have to regain my footing once more.
find my normal sense of balance,
search out my zen,
smile my way through the low moments
and say those simple words that make nick's head explode,
"that's just life, sweetie. what else were you expecting? no one promised it would be easy."
but it's always worth it, though.
so very worth it.

good night.

ps: my sweet babysitters who are saving my patootie today and tomorrow - you know who you are and you have all my love and gratitude for your sacrifice. thanks.
ps: to my sis-in-law who let me cry on your shoulder, thanks to you as well.

2012-01-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

for jj...and everyone else...my "go to" dressing recipes...

2012-01-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

Lemon Dijon Dressing

3 tbsp Dijon mustard, preferably coarse grained
2 tsp honey
juice from 1 small/medium sized lemon
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
3 tbsp olive oil
sea salt & black pepper

Homemade Ranch Dressing

If you don’t have buttermilk on hand, you can combine 3 1/2 tablespoons of milk and 1 1/2 teaspoons of lemon juice in a small bowl. Let it stand for 5 minutes until it curdles. That’s it! Makes 1 1/4 cups.

For Dressing:
1/4 cup buttermilk (milk and lemon, let stand = substitute)
1/2 cup mayonnaise (olive oil base if possible)
1/2 cup sour cream (fat free if possible)
1/2 teaspoon dried dill
1/2 teaspoon dried parsley
1/2 teaspoon dried chives
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon sea salt

Directions:
Whisk all ingredients in a small bowl. Adjust seasonings to taste.

2012-01-12T09:55:00.000-08:00

FYI:
luke weighs in at 60 lbs this week
SIXTY FLIPPING POUNDS.
i'm trying to get over the fact that he's gained ten pounds in 6 months.
or the fact that i just bought him a bunch of size sevens -
and he blasted right through those,
but the eights still hang a bit.
or even that he's my baby, my first...
and here he is,
growing like a weed.
sigh.

ps: don't get me wrong,
i'm not one of those weepy,
"my baby's growing up too quickly" kind of gals...
but i do find myself thunderstruck at times at the speed in which nearly seven years fly by.
THUNDERSTRUCK.

ps2: okay, i get a little weepy at times.
but only because i want an actual baby to hold.
i just one one more chance.

thanks to aunt kathy and uncle ben...

2012-01-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

we've officially started our junior ranger trek across the country.
okay, just up the hill to the big trees for now.
but we've got the bug.
luke wants to get as many badges as he can.

charlie just liked picking up trash off the ground (a requirement).
to each his own.
i put my foot down at cigarette butts.

and after a long/short trail with a stop at every single sign and ever piece of litter,
luke and charlie were ready for their interview and to get sworn in.

it was fun, they were proud.

but mostly they were happy we found some of this white stuff.
they all it snow.
i call it a solid block of snow looking ice.

she was happy, none-the-less.

i don't know what was going on here.
possibly a ice ball was thrown before we made it clear
no ice-ball throwing was going to bad done that day.

mostly we played and laughed and talked and studied lots and lots about the big trees.
and we talked about what we would do when it finally snowed and we could come back...
sledding is a must.
now we just need some sort of a winter to hit us.
any sort will do.

empire mine...grass valley...january 2012

2012-01-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

we're working really hard on capturing the possibilities of travel,
not just going from point A to point B...
we're now focusing on the everything-in-between-parts.
so on the way home from nevada city where we visited my sister and her family,
we stopped at the empire mine.
it's been twenty years since my last visit,
and my memory had not failed me.
the empire mine has expansive grounds and is kept in pristine condition by the state.
the tours are thorough and warm and personal.
and if you miss one, a kindly gentleman will probably grab his keys and show you the rest.
i cannot recommend it enough.

we're coming back in the spring when all is in bloom,
and the wysteria draped from the tall pines comes back to life.
and there's a miner's picnic to attend as well.
check out all the possibilities here -
HERE.

ps: they have been tunneling a new exhibit for the past twenty years -
a mineshaft exposure that you can actually ride down into.
the promise it will be done in a year - we will be going back for that!

they're ready...and nothing we can do it about...

2012-01-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

this is luke holding annabelle.
he always wants to hold her.
he is at a sleepover with his gramma and papa and sister and cousins right now -
and he was bummed that annabelle wouldn't be at the sleepover as well.
his other cousin, "baby leila", is a must as well.
the entire time cody and jj were here (staying next door),
luke would wake up every morning and ask if he could go play with her.

when we started the adoption process we knew they wanted siblings.
and i always worried that they would be disappointed when a baby showed up,
and not a full grown sibling to play with.
but luke and charlie want babies.
they wouldn't have it any other way.

luke has picked names, designed their bedroom (he KNOWS he/she will be a boy)
and talks about all the things they will do together someday.
but for now, he just wants a baby to hold.
and for now, we want so badly for him to have that.

but life is what it is.
and we know where our baby is right now.
and we know that it will take patience and lots of it to bring him/her home.
lots and lots of patience.

i'll fill you in on where we are in the process of adopting
and how the timetable keeps growing.

sometime soon.

2012-01-05T22:33:00.000-08:00

it's been a week to remember -
or try really hard to forget.
lots and lots of to-do's,
always the countless to-do's.
so many more to check off than the ones we've already done.
but with the kids run away to a slumber party at their grandparents,
we found ourselves alone and without a to-do in sight -
(well, we just sort of pushed them to the side for the evening)...
and we ran away to the movies and stumbled upon a happy accident -
if you buy your tickets at bravo farms you get matinee prices...
hmmm, am i the last person to know this?
we were thrilled and snuck our yummy gourmet-ness into the theater
without so much as a blink of guilt -
they sell the tickets at a sandwich/cheese shop for goodness sakes!
anyhoo, lots of hand holding and contentness was had.
i needed that.
tomorrow will come and there will be so much to do,
but tonight, tonight we just had ourselves to manage.
it was bliss.
night.

ps: i wore taupe and gold eye shadow with a hint of brown liner and mascara.
mostly because i wanted an underplayed eye
and because i was wearing a wonderful wheat colored sweater.
jj, i made you proud. :)

tis the season...

2012-01-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

i've hit a speedbump and haven't lost any more weight.
but at the same time, my thyroid levels have tanked and will not bump up -
AT ALL,
no matter what we do.
sigh.
so, i'll just keep walking and popping my pills and hoping this little bump can be overcome.
because it's a new year and all.
peace out.
bb.

hee-hee-hee-hee...

2012-01-05T07:29:00.000-08:00

2012-01-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

my girl.
love her.

33 was a big year for me...

2012-01-01T15:09:00.000-08:00

(identity of the innocent protected)

i turned 33 almost a year ago.
at 33 i learned all about makeup and tampons.
there's a whole funny/traumatic story about tampons that i will share at a later date.
but needless to say, never embraced until this year.
(what was i thinking?! my life will never be the same again!)
and thanks to my beautiful and outrageous (love the wig) sis-in-law jj, i know how to do eye makeup now.
maybe by forty i'll be a full grown woman.

what do you still have to learn?
something you wish you had learned and think there's still time?
(there's always time)
if enough people bare their souls to me, i might be willing to tell the evolution-of-the-tampon story.
hmmm...
it's up to you'all.

it's time for some new rules...

2012-01-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

we'll probably let everyone make them up again.
and we'll probably have the same level of redundancy.
which is good, it drives the point home.
it'll probably go along the lines of this:

"don't touch anyone else in anger"
"don't hit each other"
"ask the other person if it's okay to hit them before actually hitting them"
"no touching"

2011-12-30T22:28:00.001-08:00

we're doing a lot of this around here.
you, too?
the holidays.
sigh.

2011-12-23T17:25:00.001-08:00

via luke.

it's been a good day...

2011-12-20T12:11:00.001-08:00

well, except for the part where we walked outside and saw this.

it kind of sucked. (for me)
it really sucked. (for nick)
opposites attract.

oh well, it'll be fixed by tomorrow morning and life will go on.
though, this does make the tweakers trying to sell kirby's late friday night
make a lot more sense.

and between cody's flu, gramma's back going out,
annabelle pooping in my face (hysterical) and this -
we're off to a very merry christmas week.
(is it weird that the more chaotic things get, the more laid back i get?)
(is it weird that it makes nick's head explode that i won't get upset about these things?)
hee-hee.

wish you a better one than us.

charlie's perspective...

2011-12-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

2011-12-15T22:37:00.000-08:00

luke painting his "penguin masterpiece" (emphatically stated)
in his penguin pajamas.

it's all about the penguins around here.

they were there for the treats...

2011-12-15T22:15:00.000-08:00

the girls were so excited to attend the baby shower with all the grown up ladies.
so excited, that the immediately ran back to charlie's room -
and donned tutus and sparkle shoes.

baby shower sprinkles and granny-isms...

2011-12-11T23:13:00.000-08:00

stare at the pretty cupcakes while you laugh at what granny said to papa joe today -
(granny being papa's 90 year old mom-in-law)
so, standing by the fire and with a completely serious tone, she says,
"so, joe - tell me what you know about cocaine."

i swear on all that is awesomeness, she said this.
it was awesome.
i was grinning from ear to ear.
who cares about the context? or the fact that it led to a very interesting discussion?
that is what came out of her mouth, out of the blue.
double awesomeness.

a shower for a baby...

2011-12-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

baby annabelle's shower was held here thursday night.
we squeezed a lot of woman in to our new living room
(more than pictured)
and i held true to my promise to the universe-
to only hold baby showers without games.
i find good food and conversation far more enjoyable
than sticking my nose in a chocolate bar diaper - over and over and over again.
and annabelle - she made out like the diaper bandit that she is.
good for her.

2011-12-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

2011-12-08T14:56:00.001-08:00

i want everyone to go read this.
click here.
i think she nailed it.

2011-12-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

a note from luke found on my desktop this morning...

2011-12-07T08:40:00.001-08:00

"If you fownd (found) this leter (letter) go to the table look on the ejes (edges) of the table.? Hm mabe (maybe) you shood (should) look for it rite now ? and I watch phineis and ferb I rite to you in chineis (chinese) $#@$!{:”?><()*&+*^%#@! Sorry you cant understand me . i like to do clubpenguin.com so let me let me ! good you leted (letted, grm) me have it . luke December 2011."

hysterical.
i love his subtle methods of persuasion.
so not getting club penguin anytime soon.

2011-12-07T07:56:00.001-08:00

i found this on one of my favorite children's blogs pinta la lluna.
(si te puedes leer en espanol, me encanta esta blog.)
it might have made me tear up a bit.
and made me think of luke.
and the magic of a box.
though, luke's boxes involve a lot more tape and markers.
i wonder if this will inspire him.
or you?
or me?

have a good one.
make it magical.

a peaceful joy in my heart...

2011-12-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

even before we were married, nick and i discussed how we would raise our children.
we made guidelines and rules and general boundaries...
some have changed, shifted, morphed over the year -
but generally the decisions we made before the kids were born, they seem to sticking.
one of them has been how we celebrate christmas.

in our home gifts are a bonus, the base of the tree modest in its abundance by christmas day
(and ridiculous during the month of december before distribution - I HAVE A HUGE FAMILY).
my children know that this is a season of charity and meditation and kind acts,
that christ is the center of our thoughts and actions.
so, nightly, as we cuddle by the candlelight and read the scriptures, sing our songs
and perform our acts of goodness
(writing letters, conjuring up good deeds for the next day, eating chocolate) -
we keep the reason for the season in our hearts.

and while i love finding "the perfect present" for those i love,
i love a grateful heart more.
i love the beauty of my children's sweet, growing testimonies.
i love this time of year.

i've been saving the crusts...

2011-12-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

so we headed to the duck pond the other night.

the sun was setting. it was wonderful.

then this impromptu little photo shoot happened.

this was the only usable one of the lot.
but "usable" is a relative term.
i love them all.

apple ricotta cake with apple cider reduction glaze...

2011-12-02T14:31:00.000-08:00

so, i'm cleaning out my refrigerator and have some almost to the date ricotta.
a lot of it, to be correct.
so expect lots of ricotta recipes.
this one has to be ranked as a MUST TRY IMMEDIATELY.
(i'm not kidding or exaggerating, go try this now)
go here for the recipe.
my kids loved this, i loved this.
it's good leftover - but best served warm.
amazing served warm.
you're welcome.

somebody got a new belt a few weeks ago...

2011-12-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

2011-12-01T21:21:00.001-08:00

well, since i'm a normal person again...

2011-11-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

school is back.
with a vengeance.

lots and lots of art was done in the process.
they kept coming up with someone else that they wanted to have one.
(the canvas one isn't finished and is staying with us)

yes, this is part of homeschooling.
when we get a little stir-crazy, we clean something.
the kids and i cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom.

now we're killing time to get to jiu-jitsu with a bit of randomness.
they're both wearing swim trunks and eating water pops.
weird.
all their idea.

oops.

2011-11-29T22:16:00.000-08:00

so, 3o minutes before nick came home tonight,
i was going about my business -
(ie: filling up my toilet bowl with blood)
when i accidentally "tugged" on one of the strings.
the strings are attached to the 13 inch stint running
from my kidney, through my ureters and into my bladder.
oops.
i didn't realize it had been a problem until i stood up and walked around.
i was "free flowing" if you know what i mean.
double oops.
so, after finding a phone and a toilet,
i called my urologist while charlie and luke were losing their minds in the backgrounds.
charlie just wanted to go to jui-jitsu (very loudly)
and luke just wanted her to stop crying.
and my doctor wanted me to just yank it out myself.
WHAT?!
whoa. back up. i was coming in tomorrow to have HIM do that.
and double bad - if the stone hasn't passed -
it's gotta go back in
(or at least a clean new one. ick).
since i didn't want to sit on my toilet all night, dribbling.
i decided to call my sister -
(cause you can't do stuff like this without someone to laugh at you
over speaker phone to take the edge off of the moment)
sisters.
it worked. i pulled it out one inch at a time.
and started thinking there were benefits to doing it myself -
ie: stirrup "1" and stirrup "2".
oh, and the burning, tugging, dagger-tampon sensation.
okay, i feel great.
and the bleeding has stopped.
and let's all cross my fingers that the x-rays tomorrow show that we're all clear.
cause i don't like going under general anesthesia...
almost as much as i don't like peeing glass for a week.

okay, i'm gross. i know it.
my bad. deal with it.
sigh.

2011-11-28T14:49:00.001-08:00

i must love charlie more...

2011-11-28T11:48:00.000-08:00

i take lots of pictures of charlie.
(she was getting ready to go swinging in this one)
i'm guilty, my bad, slap my hand.
oh wait, i did take one of my boy this morning.

sigh.
double sigh.
it's not that he's always moving.
it's that he's always moving when i pull out my camera.
that or his tongue is always out or his eyes are rolled into the back of his head.

the day after...

2011-11-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

nick says we have to let her wear it out of the house -
for the sake of sheer creativity.

plus, how could we not share this awesome-ness with our fellow shoppers?
and yes, we are heading out on black friday - boo-hiss.
i need knit fabric for a project and i used the last of mine last night.
double boo-hiss.

have a wonderful post-holiday bloat.

2011-11-24T09:20:00.001-08:00

2011-11-24T00:21:00.000-08:00

it's past midnight.
i should be asleep, but i just took a pill.
and when it kicks in, i'll sleep.
for now, i am thinking of all my blessings -
and all the thanks i should be giving.
for my life is a gift, my children gifts, the husband i love - another gift.
i wish i could express the depth of my gratitude
for those who came before and those that are here now...
for the love and support of family and friends.
this is the season to express these feelings.
so, know this -
i am thankful.
for you.
for this.
for all of it.

good night.
and happy thanksgiving.
be safe, be wise.

peace out, bb

remember this?

2011-11-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

someone knows how to swing and won't stop...

2011-11-22T23:16:00.000-08:00

tradition #2,395

2011-11-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

while i love spending the holidays as a family with my in-laws,

i always dreamed of the day that i would be able to pass on my family's traditions to my kids.

i think most close families have to figure out this out as the grow and expand.

my parents did, my grandparents did, we will.

mostly, i have an amazing mother-in-law that understands.

and secondly, we have figured out that we have to carve our own space and time,

no matter how much we want to spend time with the grandparents and cousins.

okay, so a thanksgiving tradition that my granny conley passed on to us as kids -

you put a bean on every plate and after the prayer and before the eating,

everyone takes a turn to hold their bean and say one thing they're thankful for this year.

i've never figure out the bean thing -

but granny conley thought it was important and i want it to be important, too.

bonus, we've turned the "thankful for" tradition into more of a family ritual -

we five our top 5's every few days at bedtime.

the kids say the sweetest things.

and funny.

so, this is one of my many family traditions i want to pass on to my kids.

i'll be filling you in on more,

some that will remain in my childhood and some that i plan on implementing...

what are yours?

let me know.

2011-11-22T19:49:00.000-08:00

i pee broken and jagged shards of glass every 35 minutes.

and i find myself holding me "kegel" muscles nice and tight -

like i think i can hold my stint in.

weird.

though it dies make it hurt less.

pain eased off in the afternoon and is easing back in this evening.

i'll take some happy pills at bedtime

and hope i can push the peeing to every 55 minutes.

if i must pick a team, it would be edward...but still, so lame.

2011-11-21T19:26:00.000-08:00

i'm going to tease christa with this post title,
she's going,
"becky's finally going to dish
on whether or not she hates the twilight books/movies"
(hate/duh)

but nope, not tonight.
i have to have my kidney zapped tomorrow.
it took five hours to do my pre-surgery appointments today -
which is about as long as i'll be in the surgery center.
lame.
lame-o.
lame-o-tastic.

so, had the appointment taken two hours
(as i had planned in my head)
and then i hadn't had to rush back
right before five to deliver more paperwork
(my stupid - hit forehead in exhasperation)
i might have been up to a little twilight rampage.

and as a final note -
all you'all "team jacobites" out there -
what kind of freaky pedophiles are you?
hello, lautner looks like a 13 year on steriods.
a dimple on your chin only makes you look more infantile, sweetie.
save your money, there won't be much work for you after this.
trust me, give it two to three years.
we'll never seem him again.

the same with most of the actors.
(minus edward, duh - he can act)
which is sad, because being the fincher fan that i am,
i loved kirsten's break out performance in the panic room.

okay, i'm off to drink lots of water and load up on calcium -
since i can't take any after midnight...
which is ironic, in that all this calcium i choke down all day long -
each and every day,
you know, to keep me alive -
well, it's the source of the kidney stone.
brilliant conundrum to be living in.

so, more water it is.
lots and lots more water -
which is a LOT -
since i was already a bit of a manic drinker to begin with.
sigh.

i pee a lot.

Family Home Evening...

2011-11-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

for FHE, i normally come up with a fun activity or idea -
and then build up the spiritual message behind the activity.
this was our glow in the dark night based on the fifth chapter of matthew...

15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

there was also balloons filled with glow sticks
and glow-in-the-dark chalk.
it was so much fun,
especially how charlie kept tucking her glowstick necklace
under her shirt and going,
"look, my light is under a bushel!"
it was fun.
worth doing.
highly recommend.

my kids being themselves...

2011-11-16T08:11:00.000-08:00

how he rolls.

how she rolls.

still recapping halloween...

2011-11-15T06:15:00.000-08:00

we went to zooboo again.
not because any of the adults particularly wanted to,
but because the kids love the zoo.

and luke and charlie have seen pictures of themselves attending -
so, thus, they need a memory they can remember.

good thing it was a thin crowd
and the weather couldn't have been more beautiful.

i was disappointed (knowingly)
that my favorite zoo exhibits were closed.

but the kids were happy,
because there was lots of candy
and the reptile house was still open.
(they could live in the reptile house)

and bonus, melinda will have to tell me his name -
this is a local musician who travels around the valley
performing his charming songs for kids.
he made the night.
nearly every memory i will keep -
will be of them dancing and laughing in front of him.
loved it.

2011-11-11T08:17:00.001-08:00

charlie woke up with a snotty nose.
so, vegas trip canceled.
but don't feel bad for us, we're all packed -
so we're heading to the beach.
wish us safe travels.
bb

it's all about the perfect twirly skirt over here...

2011-11-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

2011-11-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

we lost a tooth.
another one.
a big one this time.
and the dentist says the one coming is a whopper of a tooth.
four more loose ones to go.

2011-11-07T12:37:00.000-08:00

i mean, seriously.
how boring was my life before her?!

homeschool done, lunch made, a gagillion more to-dos...

2011-11-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

pooped.
and the week has barely begun.
i should just slam my dayplanner shut and call it a week.
skip all my appointments, not do my laundry,
not tackle the last of my christmas list
and forget all the puttying/caulking/painting.
oh, and there's all the wood to move from both garages,
appliances to get rid of and a couch to sell.
see, pooped.
already.

oh well, gotta run.
there's a bladder to be scoped this afternoon
and laundry to fold and kids to wrangle.
good thing we made a double batch of veggie/tortellini soup last night.
so tonight, i'm going to throw together a salad, cut up an apple
and i'm going to call it dinner -
and a day.

2011-11-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

hello.
went on a date with my husband last night.
"moneyball" (recommend highly) and spinach feta scramble
(at home, we're cheap this month)
then i hung with my babysitters, who made a mad stash of red velvet cupcakes
for their school the next day while we were at the movie.
it was a glorious sight.
i love having buddies that are baking geeks as well.
they're coming over later this month to bake again.
i love movies, baking, friends, date nights and my babies.
life is good.

no matter how i feel...

2011-11-03T10:19:00.001-07:00

i love my life these days.
the weather is perfect,
my children are finally coming off their post-halloween sugar high
and we are happily busy.
i am sitting out at luke's charter school (i'll explain that in a bit)
and charlie is playing with a little girl on the swings.
a group of mothers read quietly at a picnic table near me.
a few feet farther, animated conversations are happening
and beyond that is a playground full of younger siblings.
there is wireless, so i can work and email and blog.
charlie occasionally needs me to push her
or take a walk with her or sing a song with her.
these days are new to us, yet so suddenly essential.
i love being out in the country with a school full of parents like myself
and entirely different at the same time.
i love that i can pick and choose our schedule.
i love that i spent two hours last week talking about the best sewing pattern shops on etsy.com -
with a lovely pair of grandmothers and their daughters.
and while i normally dislike leaving my house (it's my haven) -
i've fallen in love with my days out here at the school.

though, open toed shoes are a questionable choice.
lots and lots of dust around here.
i'm already planning a future fundraiser to bring some pea gravel in.
and until then, i'm planning on bringing a bucket of rag/towels
to wipe off the benches and slides.
it will take a bit, but we'll figure out our place in this new family environment.
everyone has a niche in any social stucture.
i wonder what ours will be.

i hope the weather is as amazing where you are as it is here.
have a good one.
bb.

life, on pause.

2011-11-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

i've been on pause since last thursday,
barely getting through my days.
i imagine i was surviving on adrenaline up until the appraisal.
and then my body went back to what it wanted to do, what it has been doing -
skimming at the bottom of all my levels.
parathyroid, calcium, thyroid, blood sugars, everything...
low, low, low.
or now that they've changed my meds up -
maybe i'm too high.
high, high, high.
i did my bloodwork last week, so i hope this is resolved soon.
cause i'm tired.
life on pause sucks.
because i don't pause well.
i just work until i collapse -
so, i just collapse sooner.

anyhoo, all in good time.
i'll be back to my normal self,
whatever that may be.

ps: at jiu-jitsu tonight, a little boy hurt charlie's feelings with harmless/normal little boy bragging and his mom repeatedly tried to have him apologize. finally after many failed attempts, he went up to charlie, put his hands on her shoulders and said, "i'm sorry i'm stronger than you, charlie. will you forgive me?" awesome-awesomeness. i love little boys.

a birthday wish on the first of november...

2011-11-01T17:37:00.001-07:00

Uncle Cody.
if our computer wasn't half-dead and away at the doctor's (ie: brad t.),
we would be looking at an awesome montage of all things Cody to celebrate your birthday.
but instead, we'll all just take a collective moment and picture you in skin tight long johns, shaggy hair with your pimp stick in hand.
and then we'll laugh
and then collectively picture you holding your new baby girl and heave a collective happy sigh.
because life is good and you've been blessed.
and next to marrying your best friend a few years ago -
becoming a father is the second best achievement of your life so far.
happy birthday to the man who needs nothing more than some sweet cuddles from his girl.
(give it a year, she'll hit her terrible threes (twos are nothing) and we'll shower you with presents)
until then, know we love you and miss you lots and wish you a happy year to come.
nick and becky and the kidiots.

Trunk or Treat, Recap...

2011-11-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

a trip to the dollar store and six dollars later, we were officially decorated.

richard and angela were our "neighbors", the pledgers on the other side.

this is ammon. he has the best smile. but he never shows it. i blame it on the complex his siblings gave him (it has to do with his "british teeth")

we ran into some family. i love that little guy. he came over that week and scooted in circles all around my floor.

amanda really is a dancer. she's so amazing. love this girl as well.

more family. mark and tina always go all out (well, tina does and mark follows along). this is their beauty and the beast theme.

this is veronica. and her daughter (the tall one). the little one his her "adopted" baby. she's my adopted baby as well...so at some point, veronica and i will come to blows over her. or she'll grow up and we'll move on to the next baby fix.

and then we ran into some more family. these two have taken to gleeful hugging when they see eachother. cracks me up every time.

charlie and ginny. cousins. charlie wanted to be ginny's "superwoman" after seeing her costume. she said that superwoman "saves the day" and wonderwoman "just protects". she wanted to save the day. pout. double pout. where does she come up with this stuff?

all the cousins. love the sock monkey.

along with running into all the people we love and like and can't do without...there's also hayrides.

and costume parades in the middle of it all.

and finally it was time to trunk-or-treat. this is richard's go-to - take off his leg, fill it with candy and freak the kids out. my kids love it.

and then we run into more friends.

logan and luke love to get rowdy together.

one of the "poole" uno cards wandering around.

best costume of the night. made me laugh and laugh.

papa and the kids.

and then it was time to head home. charlie was tuckered out (it was from running in heels all night).

our life.

2011-10-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

our sunday best, this past sunday.
what a week it has been since then.
that night we had our "back to school" feast, mostly because it took us this long to get into the charter school.
then we got to spend the week getting ready for our appraisal (refinancing for lower interest),
so lots of caulking and puttying and painting and cleaning and sweating and crying in my sleep.
not the crying, i was too tired for the crying.
and on top of all of that, the computer got hit with 50 viruses (i think the door got kicked in by one and the rest flooded in within days) and had to go away to the computer hospital (ie: brad taylor)
and in the midst of all of that, scout family pics were on the desktop, as well as the adoption papers that had to go out.
so, two nights were spent re-editing all the pics. fun times.
what else? i know there were lots of lots of "elses".
sigh.
oh, i know...we had our monthly meeting with our education coordinator out at eleanor roosevelt (the homeschooling charter school)
which had me panicked for nothing -
i didn't need to stay up building a calendar and portfolio of luke's work for the last two weeks.
curse. sigh. relief that i never have to do that again.
and of course, in the midst of this, there was schooling to be had and writing to be done and friends to catch up with and jui-jitsu class to go to and meals to be cooked and papers to sort and cars to get fixed...
it's been a never-ending sort of month.
the busiest month of my year thus far.
and i still have so much to talk to you'all about.
so many interesting things, fun things, weird things, life things.
thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.

have a good weekend.
peace out. bb.

halloween has arrived...

2011-10-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

we started with the pumpkin patch a week ago.

and now trunk-or-treat down.
(pics to come)

zoo boo to come.
(trick or treating at the zoo)
and, duh, halloween itself.

i wonder if i'll be burnt by the time the actual holiday comes around.

computer is still sick. sigh.

2011-10-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

but for fun, go here and see what has caught my fancy.

HERE. (click)

and here.

HERE. (click)

and here.

HERE. (click)
(anyone notice my scandinavian gingham in this collection, swoon)

i could go on and on. I love her. Holli Zollinger is her name. spoonflower is the website. independent custom fabric is the game.

i love it all. i love that it is unique and not mass produced. sigh. okay, go buy some material.

2011-10-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

sorry, we've been sick.
computer sick.
so, will catch up when the viruses are expunged.
have a good one.

science...

2011-10-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

this is one of our many new books from eleanor roosevelt charter school,
which will help round out our curriculum.

i like all the ideas and that they are broken up seasonally,
but there isn't a lot of girth to the information passed along.
which isn't too hard, that's what wikipedia and youtube are for.

this was a favorite activity,
especially as charlie got to use the big knife (very sharp)

and with large plastic embroidery needles,
we set about building our "bird cafes".
charlie immediately started making patterns.

luke did his own thing.

this is luke and charlie pretending to be birds, spontaneously.
funny kids.

my day so far...mixed in with a little homeschool...always a little homeschool...

2011-10-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

so, we're having a little problem with all the piles of adoption paperwork.
(i promise i wasn't blowing you off, kayte)
due to the fact that we're using a different agency in-state for the homestudy
and a different agency for the adoption.
well, just when i think i've got it all figured out and mostly done
(we're missing one notarized signature from nick's boss - curses) -
anna from the in-state agency up and calls me last night to make sure i was sending her all the original documents,
medical, employment, insurance and whatnot.
?????!!!!!!!
i was "literally" (name that reference) just about to send all originals to out-of-state agency - this morning,
because the social worker hired by the in-state agency, told me to.
(are you getting a little confused yet?)
anyhoo, now i've sorted out what i can
(clever me, i've been having people sign duplicate documents lately)
and am now waiting on who and what and where the other documents go.
and mostly i'm praying that they don't ask for originals to go to both -
because then i'm up a shiz creek.
cause my cleverness didn't go all the way back to the first batch of paperwork -
which will all have to be redone.

ick, sigh.
but at least it's all worth it.
because the idea of being done, of throwing in the towel, of getting sick again, of not having any more babies -
it makes me cry. private little cries in quiet little moments.
(and i'm not a crier)
so, i'm going to buck up and sort this mess out and try keep the end goal in mind -

a beautiful baby that was meant for my arms.
a beautiful baby that was meant for his arms.
a beautiful baby that was meant for their arms.

salad dressing...

2011-10-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

we eat a lot of salads around here and i despise store bought dressing -
(actually, i have a problem with a lot of store-bought stuff - i can taste the sugar, ick!)
anyhoo, i make a big batch of this almost every week.
(and then i grilled a bunch of my lemon-dijon chicken and make a big salad, jj)
go here for the recipe.
and then keep it and make it forever.

a new pace...

2011-10-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

between the aching parts of my body,
the schooling that takes place at all hours of the day,
chores to be run and things to be done,
a house to remodel and adoption paperwork to finish,
and screenplays to write and husbands to cuddle...

we barely manage to get out of our jammies before 10.
i wouldn't have it any other way.

veggies...

2011-10-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

the only way to get charlie to eat my veggie muffins is to put cream cheese frosting on top of them,
and serve her a big glass of ice cold milk.
and when i say "veggie", i mean VEGGIE.
we're juicing a lot around these parts (think hard, white kitchen, carrot juice, sigh)
and there is so much good "pulp" left over that i started making muffins out of it a few weeks ago.
i love them, luke loves them...charlie, not so much.
they have pineapple, honey, whole wheat, olive oil, pumpkin, spinach, carrots, apples, kale...the whole nine yards.
what's not to love?
though, i do understand her hesitation when she pulled a full size spinach leaf out of the first one.
drat our cheap juicer.
i almost had her.

ammon r. told me the other day that they were amazing (i'm sharing with him in the future),
and that you just had to close your eyes before eating them.
you know, not let your eyes lie to your tongue.

anyhoo, if you're a juicer and want the recipe, let me know.
i'm off to drink my juice, which is not nearly as fun as eating it in a muffin.

fixated...

2011-10-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

the cousins enjoying downtime on a mellow sunday afternoon.
veggie tales, i think.

these two melt me...each and every day...

2011-10-08T22:40:00.000-07:00

(these two are obsessed with my computer...and this is their special treat...a new generation)

it was one of those day, which seems to be every day lately...

2011-10-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

we just had a lot of to-dos,
which included black paint and baths before breakfast.

after home schooling, food and some laundry -
we headed out to lindsay to shop for cargo containers (ie: the second floor of our house)
it was productive and surreal and really friggin' cool.

then we headed over to cairns corner to pick up our bi-weekly stash of fruits
and a pumpkin a piece.

and per the usual, sanchez family farms disappointed -
big beautiful shop full of one table of produce.
we bought plums - they had very pretty and very cheap plums - in many varieties.

luke shadowed me a bit when we got home.

he was trying to talk me into letting him carve this, paint on it or bedazzle it.
i said no to all.
JUST WAIT A LITTLE BIT LONGER.

then i made cookies and cut out old sheets and extra flannel fabric.

because kayte was having a "panty party".
i will explain all of this in a thorough post tomorrow -
sis-in-law kathy will probably figure this out...and she will love the post.
i promise you, kathy, you will LOVE it. kayte has found the coolest group to work with.

alrighty, i stayed up late talking to a friend,
went to bed too late
and am now headed off with the kidiots to visit with another friend.

and then i get to come back and finish the laundry and homeschool and clean -
while finishing draft #2 of the script rewrite.
it looks like today is going to be "one of those days".

chores...

2011-10-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

yes, charlie's new job is to ferret out toys, papers and general ick from under the couches.
the flyswatter is her tool of choice.

written weeks ago, published now...

2011-10-06T00:19:00.001-07:00

i have, as we all have, a few worry warts in my family.
and having ridden the never ending roller coaster of drama-mamas,
i think it must be said, that stepping back and looking at the things in life -
the stuff you stewed over, fretted over, made something-out-of-nothing over -
that they never came to fruition.
so amend the statement to, "all of the things that you worry about never happen."
cause sometimes, and you'all know what i'm talking about -
the worry wart just wants the attention they get from worrying.
and it can be pretty exhausting, can't it?
being in the presence of that inexhaustable hunger for attention and validation?
yeah, i know.

and when the bad stuff happens.
the person that worried the most and over thought it all and scenario-ed it all out -
they behave the worst, can't cope at all.
and that's when you know it wasn't about being worried at all -
cause they would have been prepared after all those years of crazy making.
no, it was always about that "fix" they needed in the moment.

it's kind of like a drug.
someone is sitting at home, questioning and doubting and running in circles in their head.
their kids running around, their beautiful home, their loving spouse, supposed fullfillment -
and it isn't enough.
so, they get up and makes some crazy, find the soft spot and poke it and then they start making the rounds.
the calls, the fretting, the silliness...
and they sit there, breathless, rambling on and on and then it comes -
the response, the attention, the feedback they needed.
like a hit of heroin hitting the veins, they relaxes in a warm stupor, life's essence flooding their veins -
they got what they needed so badly.
they got the one thing that will destroy everything in it's path.
they got a dose of their drug - attention.
and newly validated they can continue with their day, all their worries at bay.

and the idea that no one can ever get close enough,
that no one will ever be good enough,
no friendship deep enough
no friend good enough to put up with this behavior for long -
the world of the insecure is a forever morphing and changing beast.
prettier packages will be made, better words formed, new tactics found out -
but the end game is always the same.

and silly us,
the world,
we keep giving them a hit now and then, just to get them off our backs,
to make them nice again, to feel like all is well -
but we just feed the beast, the machine...and they win.

this made me happy. cover for LMFAO party rock anthem...

2011-10-03T21:56:00.001-07:00

in case you're not a lip-reader...

2011-10-03T17:23:00.000-07:00

they're saying,
"hi papa and gramma!"
(over and over again)

and bonus,
funny leg kicks of love.
bring yourself home safely and all the kidlets love you and miss you lots.

2011-10-02T23:24:00.000-07:00

you all know how i feel about kids and creativity and art and all of that.
well, this is the best thing they've come up with yet.
i was brought in to help with the physics/taping.
but the rest is all them.
oh yeah, and their cousins came over later and they pimped this out, let me tell you.

ps: i keep calling it a space vehicle and luke keeps calling it a droid - emphatically telling me.
so, droid it is.
(even though i think it makes a killer space vehicle. what do mom's know?)

2011-09-29T22:49:00.001-07:00

i love their serious "running" faces.

two mamas working, our perspective...

2011-09-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

ninjas.
ninjas cuddling.

hungry ninjas.
hungry baby sis.

what we saw when we looked up 15 minutes later.
again, sigh.

the computer screen, always the computer screen.
though, this one says that at 11:51 a.m. we finished our latest screenplay.
and it's amazing.
barely a rewrite to be done.
life is good.
now i need a nap.

this post brought to you by my broken toe...

2011-09-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

i rarely talk religion or politics in public forums so as not to offend or push buttons -
but that doesn't mean i'm not passionate about either.
this is not a pro-romney video,
(i'm not sure quite where i stand on any candidate at this moment)
but speaks more to a deep hurt many of us mormons have faced,
which is that we are considered less than by so much of the country.

i gave $10 to fund their video,
how many will you?
and if you don't want to fund their video, don't.
but go here, look around and think about supporting another artists/filmmaker.
i believe in the power of storytelling and words and people -
my whole life is based on this belief.
check it out.

and speaking of words and storytelling and beliefs -
i do believe that sue and i will be finishing our next screenplay in the next 12 hours.
look forward to a date and time post, per usual.
this one's really good.

ps: yes, i did break my toe.
it's a funny story i will post about later.

ps2: and yes, i have much more to say about the mormon issue,
just give me time and enough mental/emotional energy to devote to a good post.

this is why we do it...

2011-09-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

so, the kids and i took a quick impromptu trip to santa cruz for my niece's birthday party.
and bonus, my out-of-town brother and his kids were in town as well.
it made for such a fun get-together.
i never get tired of seeing my brothers and their wives and catching up with the kids -
who are getting freakishly bigger and bigger.
genevieve is in junior high!
sebastian is taking guitar lessons!
gavin is almost as big as luke!
lizzie turned four!
it was fun.
wonderful, and worth the quick trip over.
and since, i left my camera in salinas before heading over to the party -
these pictures will have to do.

thanks to my trusty GPS and a lot of learned patience and inherent curiosity -
i've been making little side trips lately.
i was sick of driving and driving to the same places - santa cruz, santa barbara, los angeles -
and never seeing anything new.
so, this is one of our side trips -
and this is why i homeschool.

say hello to mission nuestra senora.

vignettes from around the house, a tuesday morning...

2011-09-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

robot is never far.
especially when robot rampage is playing on netflix.
we watch it daily and pretend we are robots.

the last of the ranger's apprentice series came in.
i haven't found the nerve to start it.
it will have to wait til after the script is done next week before i let them suck me in.

we squeezed in lots of cooking time throughout the day.
charlie helped me make the chicken marinade (i'll post it later, it'll change your life)
my normal kitchen helper was spurning me.

he just wanted to read.

the dinosaurs moved to take over the hutch.

the little globe made a run for it.
oh, how i love this little globe.

i messed with my pills.
tried to make a schedule.
all my bloodwork came back low - all of it.
we'll see if this works.

hmmm. banana bread.

my to do list...smaller than normal.
still never got around to calling richard.
curses.
and see "lizzy's birthday party"?
it's in santa cruz, where we're headed this morning.
we hope to see all our family there.

these are the whole wheat pumpkin chocolate chip muffins i made for the kids.
i'm starting to really figure out my kitchen.
and the convection bake - flawless results.
everything comes out perfectly even.
i'm jealous of myself.
it's so hard to believe.

we did manage quite a bit of homeschool.
we're really nailing down our handwriting, in that luke has decided it's completely unnecessary.

thank goodness for handwriting without tears,
and their teeny-tiny little pencils.
miraculous.
and i've tried everything - pencil grips, fat pencils, bribes, you name it...i've tried it.
and then these came in the mail and problem solved.
and you get like a gagillion of them for $5.
handwriting without tears - love it.
thanks for the suggestion, kelly.

it's someone's birthday...

2011-09-20T11:14:00.001-07:00

and she just happens to be one of the coolest chicks on the planet.

so wish my sis-in-law a happy birthday.
cause jj's an amazing wife, a rocking mama and a great friend.
and we're happy she's part of this crazy family -
and hope she has the best birthday as of yet!

2011-09-20T11:08:00.001-07:00

i don't know if it's all the unfinished pages of the script we're working on (it's not)
or the unfinished relationships surrounding me (it is)
but i have a heaviness inside of me
it's weighing me down
it saddens me
and i know what will make it go away
but sometimes i think i lack enough courage to do more
because i've already done so much and seen so little in return
i want to believe in people and life and love and committment and loyalty
and yet i so rarely see it outside the walls of my home, the confines of my little family's four hearts

and of course, as always, i will forgive and move on
but every time my feelings are not considered, the feelings of my children, my family, my love
it takes a little piece of my trust, my heart and crushes it

vignettes from around the house, a monday morning...

2011-09-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

(this is what happens when you work with your sister for more than 45 minutes. my bad.)

dinasours keeping watch over my scriptures.

lots of fruits and veggies.
luke picked the green bananas.
i picked the rest.
pears were super cheap, as was the ginger.
yummy. can't wait for them to get in my tummy.

2011-09-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

i wanna go back to the beach.
our first homestudy visit for our adoption is tomorrow.
it's a lot of talking, but she is going to puruse the house and let us know what needs to be done the next week.
we thought it would probably be good to spiffy things up a bit -
and put a bathroom door up.
you know, in case she wanted to pee or something.
we've had a few "everyone leave the house so the guests can pee" moments -
and they're just plain awkward.
so, i've poly-coated the bathroom door and need one more at three this afternoon.
toilets need to be cleaned, floors to be rubbed free of that nasty glue, and windows need to be washed.
i'm not freaking out too badly, except for the whole strip-and-paint-the-bathroom-door-trim that has to happen.
sigh.
oh, and to complicate things, we're having a yard sale on saturday -
so, lots of digging and piling and sorting.
and no, we're not crazy.
we're yardsale-ing a bunch of stuff so we can get ready for homestudy visit #2 -
which is going to take place in a week to two weeks.
so, lots to do.
but i did mow the lawns (which are half dead - ickk) and start cleaning off the patio and porch.
i'm debating what to do with the dead potted plants out front.
they're going to be ripped out and replanted when this is all done -
but should i do them now?
will it even matter?
who cares, right?
(i do, i guess, sigh.)
okay, i've had a nice long detox talk with my sis and i'm ready to tackle the painting without too much freaking out.
wish me luck.

and if you want to see something that's actually "done-ish" on the house -
jump on over to a splash of bipola r, the house blog.
click on the button to the left or just link above.

the haircut...he got one, too...

2011-09-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

2011-09-10T08:44:00.001-07:00

2011-09-10T07:14:00.001-07:00

2011-09-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

phew...it's almost over.

2011-09-07T18:10:00.000-07:00

what a day.
started dinner in crockpot.
homeschooled REALLY early.
worked with sis on script.
painted trim, 2 coats.
countertop guys came to fix things, so we can put stove in.
went thrifting with the kids.
stopped for ice cream.
made pasta on MY OWN STOVE.
home alone with the kids, nick at back to school night.
watching the real housewives of bh on hulu.
kind of lame.

good, busy day.
yesterday - 50,ooo times busier.
and heading to santa barbara friday.
busy, busy, busy times.

charlie's find at the thrift store #1.
luke found a soldier's uniform for dress-ups.
i found a globe (go to house blog to check it out)

don't ask me why she's wearing it that high, or with a vest.
she's a funny one.
sigh.

kids are weird...

2011-09-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

luke dug through his cousin sebastian's hand me downs yesterday morning.
he promptly put on the "spy clothes" -
(aka: fleece top and bottoms and complete ski bibs).
he had the jacket on as well for most of the morning and i made him take that off pretty quick -
but as for the rest -
HE WORE THEM ALL DAY LONG -
except when he went to jui-jitsu for an hour.
but no worries,
he promptly returned and put them right on.
weirdo.

thanks aunt kathy and sebastian.
it was much appreciated.
he is currently sporting a head to toe "skull/pirate" theme.
we love your pass-alongs.
they are always the favorites.

2011-09-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

love her.

2011-09-05T20:50:00.001-07:00

i've had a strange weekend.
it was nothing i expected, yet the work got done.
act 1 completed day 1, page 50 completed day 2.
60 more pages to go.
will finish the new script this week.
and bonus, the kids got to go camping at papa ray's with their cousins.
so, between my ample brain exercise and their physical exertions -
and daddy having to chase them around all weekend...
we're all pretty darn tired.
i'll check back tomorrow.

2011-09-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

peeing blood again.
sigh.
urology appointment in two weeks.
so, waiting.
it's with the guy who snip-snipped nick.
we like him.
nick or cathy (i can't remember who like/who poo-pooed the idea),
thinks i should wear his t-shirt from that day.
you know, the "i shaved my balls for this" t-shirt.
nick must of been the poo-poo-er - cause i remember him saying,
"that won't be as funny. she's just getting her kidney's checked"
i'm assuming that left cathy and me laughing harder.
sue's here and we're writing today -
so wish us luck.
peace out.
bye.
bb.

Girl's Weekend, 2011, Day 5

2011-09-01T15:08:00.000-07:00

okay, so my camera basically died on me for a few days -
which means if you want to catch up on our girl's weekend to utah
you need to head over to my sister's blog, practically perfect in everyway.
enjoy.

my day is barely half over...and so much to do still...after a nap, of course.

2011-09-01T14:36:00.001-07:00

the kids and i did homeschool this morning.
charlie is loving her first year and luke is struggling to get back into a routine.
and when that was done we headed out -
so i could clean the entire church with two kids in tow.
they were great for the first two hours and went a little nutso for the last half hour.
but the chapel is spotless, every room tidied, every floor vacuumed, every bathroom mopped and wiped down (including toilets).
i dislike little boys and their potty habits even more than i did before.
curse these lazy little guys and their easily distracted brains.
but even when charlie and luke went a little nuts, they were still troopers -
dusting, wiping, getting fingerprints on everything, wiping again.
it was a chore, a huge chore -
but w did it so that mark and tina could know how much we appreciate them helping us out -
and to make sure that nick wasn't distracted from putting the stove in tonight.
cause i got a little giddy and planned my monthly menu for the first time in six months -
AND MAMA WANTS HERSELF A STOVE!
isn't that an exciting thought - cooking food all by myself?!
i'm a bit excited at the possibility.
though this whole electric convection oven and gas range combo will be strange to get used to.
i'm a gas girl all the way - but gas convection has never proven to be very reliable as of yet -
and since i'm a devoted baker and pastry maker -
electric convection will be a whole new toy for me. exciting.
okay, i need to go fall on the couch and have a nap.
(hah!)

ps: for the non-mormons in the crowd. two families are assigned to clean the buildings at a time, which equals out to about once a year per family. the church has gone back and forth a lot, in that they employ a full-time crew to maintain the buildings in all the regions and in my life the responsibilities have changed a lot - both less or more. but from my perspective, when we take the buildings for granted and start treating them badly - then we end up with a lot more responsibility (just to keep us honest). it's just an observation - not a fact.

free stuff over at someone else's blog...click over...well, if you like mocs, that is...

2011-08-31T17:42:00.000-07:00

go here, freshly picked.
awesome give-a-way.